World-class footballers and world-class drinkers have one thing in common: they thrive in a team environment. But while each is a team sport, so to speak, everyone on the team plays an important, but different role.
So we’ve donned our white scientist lab coats, crunched some numbers, and put in the man hours to do the most in-depth research on an incredibly important topic: how does your drinking personality match up with some of the world’s best footballers?
What we came up with will likely change everything you’ve ever known about… well, nothing, probably. Anyway, here are our findings:
You lead the team to victory every Saturday night out. You find the spot, start group texts, and get asses off couches. At the helm, you are able to – even when the chips are down – keep everyone on course for the best night out evah.
Your on-pitch counterpart: Robbie Keane – Striker – Rep of Ireland & LA Galaxy
You’re up and down the wing all night. Your service is impeccable. Your flare for creativity never waivers, no matter how badly the odds are stacked against you (your mate). Everyone on your team loves you and you’ve got the stats to back it up.
Your on-pitch counterpart: Gareth Bale – Winger, Wales & Real Madrid
You’ve tallied up a lot of red cards in your career. Bless. Your friends love you. You’re a good guy but there’s always going to be that one ill-timed tackle or judgmental look directed your way that sets you off. The cause? Not sure. Rationality has no place here. Red-faced and incensed, you’re once again being escorted out of the bar.
Your on-pitch counterpart: Pepe – Defender – Portugal & Real Madrid
The Shot Blocker
You are Solid. Steady. Quick. Your mate is getting kicked out of a bar – you’re talking to the bouncer. Your friend went a little too hard, too fast – you’re calling an Uber. Your friend tries to chat up the girl who obviously has a boyfriend who only just nipped to the toilets? Yeah, you’re stepping in. Nothing gets past you.
Your on-pitch counterpart: Manuel Neuer – Keeper, Germany & Bayern Munich
Saturday night show that starts at midnight? Yes. Brunch at the Thai place? Yes. A few pints at Happy Hour on a Tuesday? No brainer, Yes. And your friends love you for it. You are always going to be on the winning side of a great time with your friends – wherever they decide you should go. #FOMO
Your on-pitch counterpart: Andres Iniesta – Midfielder – Spain & Barcelona FC
You’re a one man show – you just need the ball. And all of your friends admire your sleeky skills (or secretly loathe them). If there was an award given at the end of a Friday night, you’d get the Golden Boot.
Your on-pitch counterpart: Cristiano Ronaldo – Striker, Portugal & Real Madrid
Have an idea who you’d be? Know who you’d like to be? Find out for sure by taking our quiz. It’s science. Plus, it’s a chance to win $50 gift card. Score.
Euro 2016; June 10 – July 10.